Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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