Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
