I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
