he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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