Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
