i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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