i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
