I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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