Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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