You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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