Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
