Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
