yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
