Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
