Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
