Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
