I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
