just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
