he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
