Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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