Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Acid is not a monday night drug
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
