Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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