I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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