My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
