And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
