no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
