to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We are two peas in an std pod
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
