i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
