I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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