Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
