Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
