Already got asked if we're dating
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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