she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
