tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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