omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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