Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
