I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
