My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
