Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
