If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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