I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
