It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
