A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
