I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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