haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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