My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
