I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
