I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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