I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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