Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
