How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
