their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
