Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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