He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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