How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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