I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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