what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
