I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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