I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
