I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
