I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
