peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
