1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
