no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
