I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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