Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
