I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
