So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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