I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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